File image of climber burning a rock in Everest south side BC.
Image by Tina Sjogren courtesy ExplorersWeb.com, SOURCE
ExWeb editorial: brave new Everest for a changing market
Posted: May 03, 2010 06:14 pm EDT
It has been decided on Everest south side that no western climbers are allowed on the mountain while sherpas fix the route.
ExplorersWeb was created to make it easier for independent climbers to climb the mountain unguided. At MountEverest.net, we provided information on where to buy oxygen, how to apply for a permit, along with a detailed survival kit on food, health, route, camps etc. "The Dream" kicked off the website with an entry describing why it is worthwhile to reach for the highest goals in life, by one's own power.
Since then, the amount of commercial clients on Everest has exploded. So here an idea how to satisfy the new consumer needs.
Everest south side - permanently fixed
Everest south side should be permanently fixed from camp 2 to the summit. We already started bolting the peak last year so there is no reason why we shouldn't establish a lasting setup with permanent anchors and wire lines.
Because the icefall is moving, it has to be refixed each year which is a problem. New heli services however easily reach altitudes of 7000 meters these days. Considering that the icefall is unsafe and clients often are in a time crunch, a heli ride over the icefall to camp 1 (6100 m) should be more practical. Snowcats could then shuttle climbers from there to camp 2 (a straightforward walk anyway) and the fixed lines to the summit.
This would not only ensure safety, but also allow for a brand new market: Everest-Express tickets, saving valuable time not only for crammed business schedules but also reality show post production.
Clients, mostly Wall Street traders etc, could acclimatize in altitude tents already at home combined with high altitude drug regiments such as steroids and Viagra. On the subway enroute to their offices they would wear a pressurized helmet-bubble (sold at HumanEdgeTech). At work, power traders could seal off their entire office floor to a pressure of 6500 meters (a bit inconvenient for their secretaries but that's what they are paid for.)
The north side - added benefits
On the north side, Potala should get a contemporary makeover to become a luxury Four Seasons Hotel and moved to BC for added curb appeal (the Tibetans are a vanishing breed anyway plus Chinese to begin with so should not even get Casino rights). In this location, dedicated satellites should be offered for commodity trading, considering that this part of China has the biggest untapped wealth of minerals and uranium.
To balance the added services of the north side, the south side BC could have a permanent Kush house, as doctors are already in place and it has been established that medical Marijuana aids in altitude acclimatization.
This satire was compiled by ExWeb founder Tina Sjogren.
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